It's been awhile...

I haven't blogged in awhile, so here I am!!! Lately I have been super busy with my Mimi girl. Being a stay at home mommy is definitely a full time job. It's a job I love doing, though. Emerie is now 9 months!!!!! Crazy right??? She started crawling around 6 months or so. She got her first two teeth at the same time (bottom) awhile back. She can pull up on stuff, stand on her own for awhile, and yesterday she took a step!! She can say mama, mum, papa, dada, baba and eeieeio lol.... She's such a big girl. She krinkles her nose and snorts to make us laugh. She's really a hilarious baby. She loves Mickey and Minnie Mouse. She plays with my face and hair when I feed her, she's such a sweet girl. She eats about 3 baby foods a day and sometimes a yogurt too. She's gonna be walking pretty soon. I just can believe how fast it's going!! I mean don't get me wrong I have enjoyed every minute and done my best to not miss a thing, but still! It flies!! Anyway, that's the Emerie update.... Jared is doing good too! He is getting ready to go back to working nights because he makes more money.... I'm sad, but I know it's for the best. I just hate going to bed without my lover. *sigh*. Update on me now.... I have been having too many migraines lately... I'm gonna be going to the headache care center in January, so hopefully they figure something out. Blah. 

Oh ya know..

So today has just been one of those days.....Ya know, one of those "can it seriously get any worse?" days...All day long stuff has been thrown my way....And of course every time I have a hard day I wind up with a migraine, EVERY TIME!!!!!!  So now I have all of this "stuff" on my mind and on top of it my head quite literally feels like its going to explode. I've taken several different medicines throughout the day hoping to kill this thing, but so far it's all proven ineffective (as usual). Right now I'm taking a bath to at least relax my muscles a bit... It's amazing how a bubble bath can temporarily cure almost anything.... Hmm. Anyway. I'm super worried about my Meema (my moms mom).... She's been having really bad pains in her gallbladder area for a month or so and they just did a colonoscopy today and found SEVERAL polyps (I think that's how you spell it anyway).... They removed a lot of them, but there are still more that they are going to have to go back in and fetch later on.... They are sending these ones they took out today to have tested to see if they are cancerous or not.... I'm worried because that's what her mother died from.... Colon cancer.... They found it too late on her and it killed her.... I would absolutely die without my Meema.... She's always been my biggest supporter and has loved me through everything.... I am praying so hard that it's benign and that she will come out of this like a warrior that I know she is.... It's just not fair! She's went through so much.... She's had uterus cancer, heart disease, diabetes, multiple sclerosis, tremors and now whatever this is.... Granted she did overcome heart disease and uterus cancer like a champ, but still! How much more does she have to go through!? She doesn't deserve any of it and it makes me sad. Ugh... At a loss

Migraines, my perspective..........

I'm not a happy camper.......Lately I've been having a ton of headaches and some migraines....Every day for the last 2 weeks I've had one or the other, and it's driving me crazy.....I am on some preventative and I have some meds for onset but neither seem to be doing their job.....I have an appointment for tomorrow to try and come up with a game plan and maybe do a brain scan or something to see what's causing them....Hopefully I don't have a tumor or something crappy like that....I was diagnosed with migraines when I was in kindergarten....You'd think that I'd have grown use to these things by now, but I just haven't.....They are absolutely terrible!! I wouldn't wish them on my worst enemy...I don't know if you've ever had a migraine or not but if you haven't I'll try and give you an idea of what it's like......Now there are different levels of migraines, but I'll give you and example of what I like to call a "full blown" migraine......Usually it starts off as a nagging headache, but most of the time it'll just hit me randomly.....Some things that can give me an INSTANT migraine are: super strong smells (bleach, old lady perfume (or any other over the top perfume), powdery smells, any chemical based cleaner, when the sun is super bright, if I get over heated, bright lights, getting hit in the head with a soft ball (which are totally not soft,  in case you didn't know), and other things of the sort....So once I have a migraine my world becomes a blur, literally....They are ALWAYS in my left eye and go around to the left side of the back of my head.....My eye will literally feel like someone is taking a plastic toy hammer and repeatedly tapping it on it.....I will be nauseaous, sometimes I'll even have to vomit....When I get up I'll get dizzy....Any lights, no matter how dim or bright will make me wanna hurl, literally....Any sound, no matter how quiet or loud will make we wanna cry and hurl.....I get really hot, no matter how cold the surrounding gets....I have to have 2 fans going straight in my face to even feel a little comfortable....Once I have a migraine, no over the counter pills will kick it, NONE....I've  tried everything, trust me....And also some prescription drugs don't even help.....So anyway I will literally feel so helpless....All I wanna do is curl up in a ball in a pitch black, freezing cold room with noone around me at all and just sleep....But see with a baby and a husband, it makes it so hard to do that.....Especially when I'm having these migraines more frequently.....I'm basically non fuctional with a migraine and it's terrible....I want to be able to enjoy EVERY day with my family.....Because of these dumb things, I get depressed and super angry.....I'm upset because I don't feel like myself anymore because I feel like migraines/headaches have literally taken over my life and it's not a good feeling....I want to be deeply happy again, all the time....I want my life back, my personality....If you've never gone through having to deal with migraines, then you won't get it, but it truly is a hard thing to handle.....I'm at a loss...I truly hope that something can be done....I don't wanna "coast" through life anymore....I wanna get excited every day, and not have to worry about whether or not I'm gonna get a headache and whether or not that headache is gonna turn into a migraine........Ugh.

Honesty is the best policy...

Okay to be completely honest, I have NOT been doing my duties as a "Christian".....Before today, I can't tell you the last time I took a decent amount of time out my day to spend with God, or even do a devotional....I haven't been praying every day and all throughout the day like I'm suppose to....I rarely pray before I eat anymore....I don't witness as much as I should, and I'm sure I've missed out on BIG opportunities because of it....I'm starting to get to a place where I don't feel "comfortable" talking to people about my faith, and that is NOT good....I know my Bible pretty well, so I know all the rules and how I'm suppose to act as God's child, but I've been ignoring it and running away...My hearts not hard by any means, but I just need to step it up....Being a Christian is hard work....We have a lot of "tasks" that we are to complete for God....We have to share the Gospel to the lost, be a light in the darkness of this mess of a world and to love like Christ loves.........Following the world is easy, but not what we are suppose to do....I wanna enter through the narrow gate......I need to just be careful what I say and who I spend a lot of time with....I need to surround myself with uplifting people, not negative one's.....It's going to be a struggle, but I need to restore my relationship with God....I know it'll make me feel better...Lately I've just not felt like myself at all....I've felt sad and depressed.....It's cool because I did a devotion today and it really was what I needed....Part of it said that "if you can't change your situation, change your attitude ABOUT your situation"...That's just what I've been struggling with....I'm upset a lot about our financial sitch and lots of other things when instead I just need to be patient and trust that God can and WILL change the situation in time, as long as we stay out of the way and let him.....God certainly works in mysterious ways....<3

Beached Whale................

So I'm kinda mad at myself..........Here's why:....I have made a commitment EVERY DAY for the past idk, 4 years that I AM GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT!....I say this to myself everyday...."Today is the day, I'm going to eat healthy and go get my sweat on"......or "I WILL get into a bikini this summer, I'm gonna start on that body TODAY"....And then I see the Oreo's on the counter....Or Coca Cola in the fridge....And then I'm all like "I'll start tomorrow"............................I know you probably think I'm exaggerating, but I'm truly not! I am actually very depressed right now, and I think the biggest reason is because of my weight.......Yeah, I know, I just had a baby and it "takes time"....But I was already overweight BEFORE I got pregnant with Emerie, and now I feel like a freaking beached whale.....I started to exercise everyday a few weeks ago, but of course came up with some lame excuses and quit.....My husband and I have had a Y membership since the end of February........You wanna know how many times I've gone??....... FOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And one of those times doesn't really count because we were only there a short time and I didn't really do much.........I am so annoyed with myself and I just don't know how to quit!!!....I know 100% that I am an "emotional eater".....When Jared's home we are usually doing something all the time, so I don't eat as much at all.......When he goes to work, "all food breaks loose"......I don't have a car to drive around because he takes it to work......So I'm stuck at my apartment from 5 pm to 5 am by myself (and Emerie of course) and I get bored!....When I'm bored I eat.......And I eat a lot.....Basically whatever is in the house.....Luckily I haven't gained any of the weight back that I lost after having Emerie, but that's NOT the point...I need to LOSE weight......And also, I want to trade my 6 pack of flabs for a 6 pack of ABS......But the thing is, I don't know where to begin.....I feel so unmotivated with it all....I am depressed which then causes me to be tired a lot, so I don't even have the energy to go out and do anything.........I know, I'm a HUGE excuse maker, I just wish I had motivation.....I mean yeah when a Victoria Secret commercial comes on that's a little motivating, but then when a food opportunity comes along I always okay it............How do I overcome this nonsense..........I seriously don't know what to do.........

Wolf Spiders can all go to hell.....

So my night was like any other Friday night at the Gilliam's pad....Ate some dinner, talked to my husband, played with my baby and then I took a bath....See my bath was fine and dandy, it's what occurred AFTER the bath that just ruined my Friday night (or Saturday morning rather)......I got out of the bath to dry off and as I was bending down to dry my feet and legs I saw something......It wasn't just a no big deal something, it was a huge something......An 8 legged GINORMOUS hairy something........And that something wasn't just hanging out being innocent.....It quite literally came at me and TRIED TO KILL ME!!! I could see it in his eyes, he wanted me DEAD, BADDD!...So I did what most girls do and backed AWAY from the spider as much as I could without falling into the tub, and then yelled for Jared (my husband)....I think I yelled his name a good 10 times before he finally came in there.....I pointed to the ground and yelled KILL IT KILL IT!!!!....He just looked at me like I was an idiot and said "It's just a wolf spider"  (as a matter of fact-edly)..........JUST a wolf spider???? JUST a WOLF SPIDER????? Are you kidding me?? JUST, really????? Does he not know who he married?????.....My three biggest fears in life are as follows (in order) 1. WOLVES 2. Sharks and 3. SPIDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If 2 of my biggest fears are combined into one being, I am pretty much screwed.....Not only did I encounter a spider, but I encountered a fricken WOLF spider.....Needless to say I chewed my husband a good one, so now he understands that he should NEVER EVER EVER say "JUST" when referring to my 3rd biggest fear....And also, the creepy being was destroyed by force of a shoe......I am pretty certain that the spider was bigger than the shoe though.........I may or may not have exaggerated a tad throughout....Now I'm a tad freaked out that his Dad's going to hire some wolf spider mafia to come and assassinate me in my sleep.....I mean he probably watched the whole thing unfold before his 24 eyes.....EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW....I'm not gonna sleep good tonight....Hope you guys do!

And also, there's a special place in HELL for wolf spiders......They can save some seats for all the other evil critters that roam around my house.....

100 things I love.....

1. Jesus Christ
2. My husband
3. My baby girl Emerie...She's the BEST
4. My family
5. My friends
6. Nicholas Sparks books AND movies...But mostly books...
7. Baja Blast from Taco Bell...And pretty much everything else from there too...
8. Gerbera Daisies...They make me smile so much!
9. All the colors of the rainbow.......Pastels and NEON :)
10. Sunshine
11. Going garage "sailing", flea marketing and thrift shopping....LOVE
12. Shopping on Ebay and Amazon.....
13. Instagram, Facebook, Pinterest, Etsy
14. A clean house...
15. When people don't drive 25 miles under the speed limit and when they DON'T pull out in front of me..
16. Green lights
17. Roller coasters...The higher the better
18. Good dreams..
19. Carnivals, fairs, the circus...
20. Going to the ZOOOO! <3
21. Animals ^ obviously...
22. Turtles, owls and other birds...
23. Fishtail braids
24. Vintage clothes and jewelry
25. Having my nails done
26. Soft toilet paper
27. Medium rare steak
28. Fishing, hiking, camping
29. Photography and all it's forms...
30. Frank Sinatra
31. The moon and stars...Watching them..
32. Sunrises as well as sunsets
33. Dolphins
34. Riding my bike...Which I rarely do anymore...Fat girls and bikes aren't a good combo...
35. When I get on the scale and see that I've lost weight!
36. Making cards...Like birthday cards etc..
37. Scrapbooking
38. Cups with lids and straws..
39. Hot cocoa
40. Winter, spring, summer, fall...I love em all
41. Blogging
42. Singing, talking, dancing...
43. Being happy
44. Decorating...
45. Organizing and sorting
46. Color coordinating things..
47. Sushi
48. Hershey's cookies and cream drops
49. Blankets...Can't have too many!
50. Candles
51. Bubble baths
52. Painting
53. All things Disney..
54. Dr. Seuss
55. The Drive-In
56. Painted toe nails
57. Rustic and vintage things
58. Foot massages
59. Going on new adventures
60. Quilting...I've only done it once, but it was fun!
61. Lamps
62. The cozyness of being home with nothing to do but cuddle with my hubby and baby
63. ^Cuddling
64. Coloring books
65. Pez dispensers...I collect them
66. Purses
67. Long walks
68. Going to the gym...I'm just starting to go again, but I always feel good when I do...
69. Small town living
70. Plaid shirts on my man
71. Lipstick
72. Surprises
73. The look on peoples faces when they love a gift or something I got em...
74. THE USA!...And when I buy something that was made here...
75. Shows...Pretty Little Liars...American Idol...The Mentalist...
76. Music
77. Movies
78. Counting in my head to pass time...
79. A glass of wine
80. Sweet old people
81. The Beach
82. Weekend getaways
83. Vacations
84. Weddings
85. Pictures of newborn babies minutes after they are born...I know that the feeling is indescribable..
86. Volkswagen beetles, buses and campers
87. Laughter and smiles
88. Reading, writing
89. LOVE
90. Hugs and kisses
91. Olive Garden
92. My dog Sinatra
93. Going to the park
94. Frozen yogurt twist cones from Braums
95. Hardwood floors
96. Getting the front row parking space
97. Baseball
98. The game Clue
99. Sleep
100. The sound of cicadas at night in the summer...

For the guys eyes....

This is for you guys out there who plan on getting married.......Here are some tips on how you can be a good husband......Again, they are just tips....You can take em or leave em...And even just doing 2 of these things is good :)...I am happy to say my husband does a majority of them...I am blessed.

1. Always open every door for her
2. Kiss her on the cheek in public
3. Don't always assume that a kiss leads to more....Sometimes girls just want to kiss with no expectations...
4. Tell her she looks pretty when she has no makeup on and is in her sweatpants and a college t-shirt
5. Take her somewhere at night and look at the stars
6. Let her talk about the things you usually could care less about
7. Have her pick out the movie and dinner sometimes
8. Take a day and just spend it all with her alone watching movies and cuddling together
9. Give her a foot massage...Or back massage....Or head massage...Better yet, all three :)
10. PUT THE FRIGGEN LID DOWNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN
11. Don't leave the kitchen cabinets open
12. Make her a candle lit dinner...Even  if it consists of mac n cheese and hot dogs...
13. It's OKAY to do the dishes sometimes
14. Surprise her with a love note and some pretty flowers you picked yourself.....
15. Take her on a walk and hold her hand
16. Tell her you love her every night and every morning
17. Kiss her every day
18. Tell her you like her cooking even if it tastes like toe jam....(yeah gross, but I didn't know what else to say)
19. Play games with her
20. Rekindle the fire as often as you can




Guys just remember that just because you get married doesn't mean that your relationship is now "done" and you can stop working for it....Marriage takes even more work to keep it strong than a boyfriend girlfriend relationship. The day you quit trying to make the marriage work is the day that it stops working....I'm not saying that it just takes you guys to keep it strong, but you are a big part of it all...You have to become the head of the house hold, therefore you have a big responsibility on your shoulders....Don't ever give up on your love for your lady....Always do you very best to make sure you both are happy with each other...And when you have kids make sure and work that much harder...Kids don't ruin things, they make things even better...You just have to find a balance and always make sure you have one on one time with your lover......<3

My Labor...

Okay so this post is going to be a little "graphic" for some people.....I'm only doing this so I can go back and see what I went through for my baby....And some people ask me how my labor went, so here ya go....Don't read it if you don't wanna know details of my labor and delivery.....



So it was Friday February 15, the day after Valentine's day and I was 36 weeks pregnant.....I had been diagnosed with Preeclamsia a few days prior.....My blood pressures were super high and the protein count in my urine was over 1000, so it wasn't too good.....My doctor wanted me to try and make it to 37 weeks before taking any action......Well my Mom is kind of a worry wart and really wanted me to get a second opinion.....I went in that day (the 15th) to see another doctor....I guess I was really swollen....I didn't really notice it but yeah my feet and face and even my lips were swollen pretty bad.....All I knew was that I felt like absolute S***. I had a bad headache and just felt so sore and exhausted. Dr. Azelton took one look at me and after she took my blood pressure and realized it was so high she said that I needed to go home and get all packed and check into Labor and Delivery...I felt so sick to my stomach! I was nervous because I didn't want anything to be wrong with my baby! I started tearing up, and so did Jared....It almost felt surreal. She told me that with the preeclampsia my body was basically rejecting the pregnancy and that it was best to go ahead and have her.....Talk about a panic attack!........So we went home and packed everything up and ate some lunch (Peking's cashew chicken to be exact)....Then we headed to the hospital.....I checked in around 4 pm that day.......They got me hooked up to iv's and baby monitor.....I was going to be induced the following morning....They also got me started on Magnesium because of being preeclamptic (it's a muscle relaxer to keep me from having seizures)...That stuff straight up made me feel like even more crap...I got all hot and uncomfortable.....Well later that night they informed me that they were going to start to give me an oxytocin pill (I think that's what it was called) to start to thin my cervix....I thought I would just take the pill by mouth or something (the joke was on me), but NOOOOOOOOOOOO she actually had to go around the babies head and insert it into my cervix.......NO pain meds....It was the worst pain I ever felt in my entire life....(It hurt worse than the pushing itself)..I would rather be shot in the back 10 times....They gave me that dang pill 4 different times...And two of the times they had to go in TWICE because they dropped it.....I literally bawled my eyes out and shook every time they walked in the room to give it to me.......So bad! I never wanna feel that again!!!......Around 3 am I started having contractions......At one point I went into the bathroom to pee and just sat there for like 30 minutes crying my eyes out because I hurt so bad!!! The nurse came in and told me I had to get back into bed so they could continue monitoring Emerie.....She realized I was not gonna sleep so she put some "good stuff" (not sure what) in my iv and I guess I instantly started snoring........If it wasn't for her giving me that stuff that night would of never ended!!!!!!! I woke up in the morning and around 10 they gave me my epidural....I was so relieved!! I couldn't feel the contractions as much with it but I definitely still felt quite a bit of pressure some of the time....But I would recommend an epidural to EVERYONE! So nice.....People came in and out all day and I kind of wish I would of not let anyone in there.....I was so swollen and felt HORRIBLE and kind of felt drugged up because of the mag.....(Next time I have a baby noone will be in there prior!!) I can't remember what time they broke my water, but I will guess it was like 5 pm or so that day (saturday).....There was some meconium in the water, which isn't a good sign....(it means the baby pooped inside and could potentially get some of it in their lungs)....So that freaked me out too.....They kicked everyone out of the room besides mom and Jared at like 6:30 or so....I started pushing at like 7:30.....Pushed for 2 hours.....I had back labor and a migraine the whole time...That sucks even worse!!!!!!!!!......Something that really ticked me off was 1. the blood pressure thing going off WHILE I was having contractions and pushing and 2. a nurse came and drew my blood while I was pushing!!!!!!!!!!! Talk about me getting so mad!! I remember they kept telling me "she's right there! I can see her head!" or "one more push"...I think I heard those phrases 100 times........The last push I did was the last push I was gonna do.........After that I was DONE.....Luckily that push did it and she flew out ( LITERALLY).......Jared caught her....I remember seeing her for the first time and all the "hell" I went through didn't matter.......I wasn't worried about the pain I undergone or anything else........I cried and was so happy! She was the most beautiful and perfect baby a mother could ask for! And I was so excited to hear her SCREAM as she came out! I was so paranoid that her lungs wouldn't of been developed or whatever but her lungs were PERFECT and also she didn't get any meconium in them either, which was a relief....She was born at 9:36 PM...19 1/2 inches long....5 lbs 1 oz....So perfect......Yes my pregnancy was so hard and my labor sucked, but once she was here I didn't care......It was worth every bit of it....We did have to stay in the hospital 5 nights because she dropped weight down to 4 lbs 10 oz and had a little bit of jaundice, but other than that she was so healthy!.....So I am so blessed and happy to have her in my life :)

10 Truths...

I guess I'm gonna tell ya'll ten truths about me......This should be interesting....


1. I am extremely self conscious....I have a horrible self esteem, especially after having Emerie...I feel like I've NEVER been so disappointed in my body before now. It's so hard to stay motivated to lose weight...I tend to be a "justifier" (yes I'm aware that's not a "Webster's word" buttttt it works). I always justify eating the wrong foods or drinking the wrong drinks. I'm also a major excuse maker. I make excuses as to why I can't go work out or do something active, or why it's okay to not watch what I eat....It's really frustrating because I am unsure of how to get over this craziness. I feel like I have no self control to be able to tell myself "NO! That's bad for you!" or "YES! That's good for you!"...So aggravating. I need to figure out how to overcome this before it gets too out of hand. My biggest fear is that I'm going to wake up one morning, get on the scale, and the number is going to be OUT of this WORLD, and then I'll just give up on even trying....I want to be happy about myself and not be worried all the time about my self image.

2. I think I'm border line OCD. I get overly stressed out when things aren't organized just right. My house right now is absolutely driving me insane!!! I feel like I can't have a good day or be happy if my home is a mess or laundry is overly behind. I like for my fridge to be organized, my closet, everything. Also it annoys me when people's pictures are crooked in their homes. And when there's a place for something, but that something isn't there...For instance if someone has 2 toilet paper holders and only one of them has toilet paper in it...(UGHHHH) I also go nuts when people chew with their mouths open (I mean like smacking their gums) it straight up freaks me out. I don't ever say anything to people but inside I go crazy. Chipped nail polish is crazy. Whether it's me or someone else, I can't think when I see chipped nails.

3. I am obsessed with color coordinating, and have been for awhile....I like having my husband, baby and I all match. I do it with different candies and also my clothes. I just love it, I think it's fun and cute.

4. I wish that I was closer with some of my family members and friends....I wish that they showed that they cared when I have major life events occur (having a baby is a big one). It really hurts my feelings whenever people who are suppose to be so close to me and who supposedly care about me so much don't even so much as pick up the phone and call and check on me when I'm in the hospital 5 days due to having a very hard labor and delivery and a baby who was 4 weeks early....I mean doesn't that mean anything to people??? I know I would BE THERE if they went through things like that. I feel like I put myself out there all of the time and try and maintain a relationship, but it doesn't seem to matter...It's pretty much one sided, and it hurts me more than they will EVER know. I want to die knowing that these people love me and truly care about my life, like I do theirs.

5. Changing diapers has never been a "joy" to me. I love changing Emerie's diapers. I feel like she has a need and I'm the one who can fulfill it! It's an amazing feeling. Same with fixing her bottles, rocking her to sleep, walking her around at night because she doesn't feel too good. Just everything. I love her to pieces and want to always be the best Mom that I can, because she deserves it.

6. I'll be the first to admit that I'm spoiled....I've been spoiled my whole life....My parents and grandparents were a big part of it....Then I met Jared, and he spoils me just as much if not more than they did!! Don't get me wrong, I totally dig it! I feel like I'm a princess or something, but I just don't ever want them to think that I don't appreciate all of the great things that they do for me.

7. I dream of building a log cabin with my husband one day.  A cozy homey cabin filled with lots of love. I want it to have green shudders and lots of trees and a flower garden outside. I want a pool and a lot of area for our kids to run around and be wild. I want a huge fenced in back yard so we can have lots of dogs.

8. When Jared and I are retired and the kids are out of the house we want to buy a Volkswagen camper and travel around the world and make lots of amazing memories together. Basically rebuild the romance.

9. I'm an overly sensitive girl, and I know it. Sometimes I take things too personal that weren't mean to be taken that way. I just want to make everyone happy and get along with everyone and it hurts my feelings when I let people down or someone doesn't like me.

10. I don't like when anyone, ANYONE tells me what to do with my baby....If I ask for advice or an opinion, then sure give it to me! But if I don't, please don't say anything. I am a good Mom and take VERY good care of Emerie. I know when I need to take her to the ER or the doctor. I know when to feed her, burp her, change her diaper, and rock her because she's in pain. I know her cries. If she's crying, and I'm there, I can take care of it!! I do it all day every day, and have for the past 10 weeks...NO I'm not a perfect Mom, but when it comes to Emerie I am pretty good.

Bottles, binky's and spit-up....

Okay, so as you know I am now in the "Mom Club"....I've been a Mom for 9 weeks now and have learned quite a bit. I've learned that when you become a Mom you give up things...LOTS of things....And for the things that you don't have to give up, they change....You give up flowery perfumes for milky spit up...You trade pretty fixed up hair for messy buns...Drool becomes your new necklace...Instead of getting hit on, you get peed on, or worse, pooped on....(Yes that's happened to me)....Purse? What's that? No, you don't carry a purse anymore, you carry a big ole diaper bag with your wallet and phone shoved in it and maybe if your lucky you'll remember to put some gum or mints in there because Lord knows you may have possibly forgot to brush your teeth.....Your once spotless and organized house becomes a wild jungle (what Mom really has time to seriously clean?)....Instead of pretty eye shadow you now rock the dark under eye bags ( I guess that can still be considered eye shadow, just the opposite place)...You once use to have an hour or two or even three to get ready whereas now you are lucky to have 5 uninterrupted minutes....Sometimes in the shower you will wash your hair but not shave your legs because the baby starts crying and you have to fly out of there and make sure she's okay....You use to fall asleep to the peaceful quiet and darkness of your bedroom but now you DON'T fall asleep to the sound of monotonous lullaby's and an overly bright night light (oh rhymes are great). Random make out sessions with the husband? That's a rare occasion now (we gotta make the most of the chances we do get)....You use to be a social hit and now you are a homebody with hardly any friends (yes I'm being a tad dramatic, just a tad)...So yeah, you give up quite a lot when you become a Mommy buttttttt you most definitely gain WAY more....For everything you lose there's a gain that's made...For example....You gain the most precious baby girl you could have ever asked for....You get to watch the most perfect person grow....A simple smile and laugh from her completely fills your heart with all things good. There once was a hole in your heart but once she came along, she filled it....She filled it with so much love that you never thought was even possible....Snuggling never made you feel so warm....Feet were never considered such a cute feature...You are no longer ever bored and there's never a dull moment...When she grabs hold of your finger while looking in your eyes you feel like the most blessed person in the world....The first time she smiles or coo's at you, something inside you makes you feel like your really doing something right....Life before her felt a little purposeless, but now you have found the reason why you were placed on this earth....The bond you have with your precious baby girl is a bond unlike any other....You understand her....You feel her...You know her cries...You know what each cry means....You know when she's feeling sick or when she's feeling really giddy. When she's feeling overly fussy, you have a touch that no one else does. You know what will make her feel a little better...You are her number one comforter....I mean and who would expect anything less?...She's known you 9 months longer than anyone else....You find yourself through her....She helps you realize who you want to be in life and who you don't....She's more important to you than any other human being (I mean along with your husband)....Every day is a new adventure full of purpose and joy....Everything changes, you give things up, you lose things...But in the end you couldn't be more glad for that....Because what you've gained is a whole lot better than the losses.....Life is meaningful now.

I'm a mom!!

Okay so I gave birth to Emerie Rose when I was only 36 weeks along. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia at 35 weeks.... I started having bad headaches and was swollen real bad... And the protein count in my urine was more than 1000....My Doctor decided that it was best to go ahead and get induced.... This was on Feb 15. I was so nervous and scared. I won't go into all the detailsp but I was in labor for 18 hours and pushed for 2. It definitely was not a good or easy labor but when I finally met her eyes I was so happy. It was more than worth it. She was the prettiest newborn I'd ever seen! And even all the nurses said she was gorgeous. They said most newborns aren't even close to being that cute fresh out!!! Jared and I did an amazing job. Now she's 9 weeks old! It's crazy because it doesn't feel like its been that long. She is growing so fast and turning into quite the little doll! I love her so much!! Best gift I've ever been given.

Belly Update :)

Okay so I haven't posted a blog in about a month, so I guess I should do so.....So basically here are all the things that have taken place or what's going on since I last posted...I may miss things or post about something I've already said before, but bear with me.


1. I'm now 36 weeks pregnant (tomorrow, anyway)
2. I found out I'm anemic, so had to be put on meds for it..
3. My back has been hurting me SUPER bad!
4. Have been having LOTS of leg cramping and some occasional stomach cramping
5. Have had lots of Braxton Hicks contractions, so fun....At least they don't hurt me!...Yet...
6. At my last OB appt, which was Monday, my blood pressure was super high. I can't remember the top number, but the bottom number started at 99 and just kept going up, it went up to 104 at one point. They had retaken it 6 times and it got higher 5 out of the 6 times! I wasn't feeling sick or anything, just been having major back pains, but nothing else....So they sent me home and just told me to monitor Emerie's movement and to come to the er if I get a bad bad headache or anything else abnormal...Which really headaches are not abnormal for me...I've had em since kindergarten...Well, on Tuesday (yesterday) I had woke up with a horrible headache and just went to my Mom (who works as a receptionist at my doctor office) to have a nurse check my blood pressure to see what it was....Well, it was like 135 over 102, which isn't good....And that was the second day in a row that it was that high, so they sent me over to the OB floor at the hospital to have a NST and an ultrasound done to see how Emerie was doing....Well according to both, she was doing fantastic! Her movement is right where it should be, she's completely dropped, and her heart rate was healthy. So that was great news! They did a urine sample for me and it came back that I have protein in it, which isn't good....They then did a steroid shot to help get Emerie's lungs developing sooner, just in case they have to deliver her sooner, rather than later. And they sent me home with this orange jug thing to pee in for 24 hours, so till 7 PM tonight I have to pee in it every time I go....And it has to stay cold, so I'm storing it in my fridge...EWW. Nastiest thing in my fridge, besides Jared's pina colada yogart, bleh. But anyway, tonight at 7 I go back to the ob unit and turn in my cold urine and get another steroid shot....I'm hoping I find out tonight whether or not I have preeclampsia, and how bad it is if I do....So we'll see how that goes!


So yeah, that about sums it up, I believe....So as you can tell, I'm pretty much ready for this baby to be here already! I just wanna smother her with hugs and kisses and cuddle her all the time! CAN'T wait....She is the only thing getting me through all this mess of a pregnancy! I'm glad there's a light at the end of the tunnel and I'm not suffering needlessly....Just a little while longer!

Music day...

Okay so today is one of those headphones in and music up LOUD kind of days.....I've not had very good luck today, at all.....I came over to my parents house because that's what I usually do when Jared's working because we have NOTHING to do at our house, so I get bored there....So anyway, I come over and there's not a good vibe going on, a LOT of stress, in other words....I am not a fan of stress, it really stresses me out....So I instantly feel frustrated, but really have nowhere else to go.....Our car has been in the shop since Friday and I had to bum a ride to even get here....Well awhile after I got here I received a phone call telling me that our car was ready to be picked up...I had my Dad take me to get it...I paid and got the car and as I was driving I noticed that the heat (which we paid 60.00 to have fixed) was not working, it was blowing out cold air, just like it was doing even BEFORE we took the car into the shop...So I got even more annoyed....They said I could bring it back in, but I need the car tonight to get Jared from work, so I can't take it back in today....So yeah it's 4:00 as of right now, lets see if the day turns around any.....My friend Cara is gonna come get me and go to my apartment so we can hang up some pretty things on the walls, so HOPEFULLY that'll cheer me up....But as of now, it's not looking too terribly promising....Hope you alls day is better than mine! BAH.

9 More Weeks...

Only 9 more weeks till my Emerie is here...I am so stinking excited for more reasons than one. . . Here are some of the reasons...


1. I just want to meet her, hold her, love on her...
2. I want to be able to see my feet again...
3. I want to have room in my stomach again to eat! I have to make myself eat right now....
4. I want to start working on gaining a rockin body...(like that'll ever happen again)
5. I just want to start life as a Mommy....I feel like right now it's a longgg waiting game and I'm no good at being patient....



I feel like ever since I reached 30 weeks it's been going by so slowwww. The last 2 weeks have felt like 4....And I can only sense that it's gonna get slower....I'ma explode!

I miss my hubby :(....

So my husband just recently started working nights. . . I don't love it at all! How am I suppose to sleep without my cuddle bug???? My body pillow just isn't as warm as he is....So pretty much I freeze to death without him. Luckily he doesn't work it every night! I wouldn't make it if he did it that often.....It's so hard to go home to an empty house and try sleeping now! So I pretty much stay up as late as possible hoping to stay awake to see him come in and then sleep the same hours..But with me being preggers, it's a little hard to make it past 12....I guess I'll adjust.

New years goals...

I wasn't going to jump on the bandwagon of making a new years resolutions list, but I guess I feel like I have to.


I guess for 2013 I just have a few things I want to accomplish or abide by...

1. I want to be the best wife I can be....Wanna become a better listener and make the "spark" between us bigger.
2. I wanna be a great Mom to Emerie. She's my first baby, so I'm sure I'll have my fair share of mistakes, but I hope to learn from some of our parents mistakes and grow. (Not saying our parents were screw ups or anything like that)
3. I am not looking to lose a certain amount of weight, but rather to just become healthier. Eat healthier, work out on a regular basis etc. I don't want to even weigh myself but just go by what I see in the mirror and how I feel about that. Numbers aren't important, it's more about having a great self esteem, which is all I ask for.
4. Be more committed to my relationship with God. Read my Bible more, pray more, make disciples, be an example.
5. I want to be more POSITIVE this year. I am done focusing on the negative so much. I'm going to try my very best to start finding the good in the middle of all the bad.


I think that's basically it.