I guess I'm gonna tell ya'll ten truths about me......This should be interesting....
1. I am extremely self conscious....I have a horrible self esteem, especially after having Emerie...I feel like I've NEVER been so disappointed in my body before now. It's so hard to stay motivated to lose weight...I tend to be a "justifier" (yes I'm aware that's not a "Webster's word" buttttt it works). I always justify eating the wrong foods or drinking the wrong drinks. I'm also a major excuse maker. I make excuses as to why I can't go work out or do something active, or why it's okay to not watch what I eat....It's really frustrating because I am unsure of how to get over this craziness. I feel like I have no self control to be able to tell myself "NO! That's bad for you!" or "YES! That's good for you!"...So aggravating. I need to figure out how to overcome this before it gets too out of hand. My biggest fear is that I'm going to wake up one morning, get on the scale, and the number is going to be OUT of this WORLD, and then I'll just give up on even trying....I want to be happy about myself and not be worried all the time about my self image.
2. I think I'm border line OCD. I get overly stressed out when things aren't organized just right. My house right now is absolutely driving me insane!!! I feel like I can't have a good day or be happy if my home is a mess or laundry is overly behind. I like for my fridge to be organized, my closet, everything. Also it annoys me when people's pictures are crooked in their homes. And when there's a place for something, but that something isn't there...For instance if someone has 2 toilet paper holders and only one of them has toilet paper in it...(UGHHHH) I also go nuts when people chew with their mouths open (I mean like smacking their gums) it straight up freaks me out. I don't ever say anything to people but inside I go crazy. Chipped nail polish is crazy. Whether it's me or someone else, I can't think when I see chipped nails.
3. I am obsessed with color coordinating, and have been for awhile....I like having my husband, baby and I all match. I do it with different candies and also my clothes. I just love it, I think it's fun and cute.
4. I wish that I was closer with some of my family members and friends....I wish that they showed that they cared when I have major life events occur (having a baby is a big one). It really hurts my feelings whenever people who are suppose to be so close to me and who supposedly care about me so much don't even so much as pick up the phone and call and check on me when I'm in the hospital 5 days due to having a very hard labor and delivery and a baby who was 4 weeks early....I mean doesn't that mean anything to people??? I know I would BE THERE if they went through things like that. I feel like I put myself out there all of the time and try and maintain a relationship, but it doesn't seem to matter...It's pretty much one sided, and it hurts me more than they will EVER know. I want to die knowing that these people love me and truly care about my life, like I do theirs.
5. Changing diapers has never been a "joy" to me. I love changing Emerie's diapers. I feel like she has a need and I'm the one who can fulfill it! It's an amazing feeling. Same with fixing her bottles, rocking her to sleep, walking her around at night because she doesn't feel too good. Just everything. I love her to pieces and want to always be the best Mom that I can, because she deserves it.
6. I'll be the first to admit that I'm spoiled....I've been spoiled my whole life....My parents and grandparents were a big part of it....Then I met Jared, and he spoils me just as much if not more than they did!! Don't get me wrong, I totally dig it! I feel like I'm a princess or something, but I just don't ever want them to think that I don't appreciate all of the great things that they do for me.
7. I dream of building a log cabin with my husband one day. A cozy homey cabin filled with lots of love. I want it to have green shudders and lots of trees and a flower garden outside. I want a pool and a lot of area for our kids to run around and be wild. I want a huge fenced in back yard so we can have lots of dogs.
8. When Jared and I are retired and the kids are out of the house we want to buy a Volkswagen camper and travel around the world and make lots of amazing memories together. Basically rebuild the romance.
9. I'm an overly sensitive girl, and I know it. Sometimes I take things too personal that weren't mean to be taken that way. I just want to make everyone happy and get along with everyone and it hurts my feelings when I let people down or someone doesn't like me.
10. I don't like when anyone, ANYONE tells me what to do with my baby....If I ask for advice or an opinion, then sure give it to me! But if I don't, please don't say anything. I am a good Mom and take VERY good care of Emerie. I know when I need to take her to the ER or the doctor. I know when to feed her, burp her, change her diaper, and rock her because she's in pain. I know her cries. If she's crying, and I'm there, I can take care of it!! I do it all day every day, and have for the past 10 weeks...NO I'm not a perfect Mom, but when it comes to Emerie I am pretty good.
