Gotta lose it!

Okay so the photo on the right was taken in 2008. I was 125 lbs. I looked good and felt good. The picture on the right was taken in 2011. As you can tell I'm a few pounds heavier. Actually more like 50 pounds heavier. I know, it's crazy.  I still can't figure out how I gained 50 pounds in 3 years. People tell me that I am so pretty and look good, but deep down I don't feel like that's true. I am not satisfied with my body at all, whatsoever! I know right now I am pregnant, but it's not the baby weight that I'm talking about. It's my weight that I was even before I got pregnant. My doctor told me that for my height and shape, 145 is a good weight to be. If that's the case then I am 30 pounds overweight. *My prebaby weight* I'm obese!!!! I never really thought of myself as that horrible word until my doctor pretty much told me I was. This past year has been a battle because before I got pregnant I really tried and tried to lose weight, and it just wasn't working for me. I get depressed about my body image a lot. I'm so sick of being disgusted with myself. I just want to feel satisfied. I want to be someone who my husband is proud of and can stand looking at. SO...I am planning on going all out once my Emerie is here and LOSE THIS FAT! I am at the point where I HAVE Ito lose the weight. It's not healthy at all. And I want to be able to chase my kid around when she starts walking and not be out of breath because of it. I think that once I start eating healthier and working out on a regular basis, I'll feel more refreshed and happy with myself. It's going to suck to have to lose my 30 pounds that I'm already overweight, plus the baby weight. Luckily I've only gained like 10 pounds with my pregnancy so far, so I think it'll be okay. Blah.

Breaking Dawn PART 2

Soooo my husband and I are going to go see Breaking Dawn Part 2 tonight and I'm so freaking excited! I feel like a little kid getting excited about such a "small thing". I have been a Twilight fan since senior year in high school. I read the first book just to see what all the hype was about, and then fell in love. I think I finished all the books in less than a week, no joke. I even remember getting in trouble in several classes for reading while the teacher was teaching lol...Oops. I can't help it! When I get into a good book, it's nearly impossible to put it down. Anyway...So once the movies started coming out I was pretty stoked. I saw the first one, and honestly I wasn't too impressed. It did not give the book justice AT ALL. That may be because it was such a low budget film. But no matter the reason, it just wasn't a super good movie. Then New Moon came out and it was AMAZING! Eclipse was pretty good, not as good as New Moon but better than Twilight. Then Breaking Dawn Part 1 came out and that was even better than any of them! Soooooo I'm expecting this last one to be EPIC. Especially since the last section of the book was the best of them all.....To all those people who make fun of us "Twi-hards", back it up! Lol. I think it's a good thing to have something to get excited about and to help expand our imaginations. I mean, yeah it's kind of weird when people start wanting to become vampires and stuff, but for normal people, it's a good thing to use our imaginations. So, I'm in for a good night :)

Christmas Bucket List...

 Okay so I'm going to make a list of things I want to get done before, or on Christmas....We'll start after Thanksgiving. I like for Christmas to last as LONG as possible.

(All of these things will be done with the help of my beautiful husband)

1. Put up Christmas tree and all Christmas decorations
2. Watch the Grinch and drink hot cocoa
3. Watch Elf and drink hot cocoa
4. Bake and decorate some sugar cookies
5. Slow dance with Jared to a Christmas song in our living room...
6. Make ice cream cone Christmas trees to add to our village
7. Send out Christmas cards to close family
8. Take our picture with my tripod of us in front of the tree
9. Get Emerie's nursery all set up and ready to go
10. Make Christmas ornaments
11. If it snows, make snow angels and a big snowman
12. If it snows, go sledding
13. Get up early and make cinnamon rolls for breakfast on Christmas
14. Get pictures with Santa...Somewhere
15. Kiss Jared under a mistletoe
16. Take a drive and look at all the pretty Christmas lights
17. Start a tradition
18. Make a donation to some charity
19. Try a peppermint mocha from Starbucks
20. Listen to a lot of Christmas music
21. Read the Christmas story on Christmas morning to Emerie...(She may be in my belly, but she can hear)

Emerie Rose

So Jared and I were the happiest people in the world the day we got to find out what sex our baby was (is). I had a gut feeling it was a girl, but wasn't 100% sure. It's such an amazing feeling to see your little one moving around in your stomach. It makes everything seem a little bit more real, it hits you. It hits you that you really are going to be a Mom. It hits you that everything is going to change, for the better. It hits you that there is actually LIFE inside of you that's not just your own. It hits you that you can no longer be a selfish human being, but that you have to care for someone 100%. It hits you that you are going to become poor in your wallet but rich in love. It hits you that for the next 18 or so years, it's not just going to be you and your husband anymore. You get hit in between the eyes with a whole lot of things at once. It's a good thing though, to get hit like that. You need to wake up and realize that you have a new, HUGE responsibility being placed on your shoulders (or in your stomach for now). So that's where I'm at. I'm grasping the concept that for the rest of my life I'm not only going to be an individual, wife, sister, daughter, granddaughter, cousin, and whatever else. BUTT.....I'm going to add Mom to that list of "titles" and I think that's going to be the biggest of them all. Whew, so hard to keep my head from exploding! This is the 3rd happiest experience of my life. (First was when I became a Christian, second was when I married Jared) Can't wait till she's here and I can hold her in my arms.

Almost better....

So I have been oober sick since Wednesday. I went to the Dr. on Thursday and they did a strep swab and it came back negative. When Dr. Lucore listened to my lungs she said they didn't sound very clear, so I had to go have an x-ray done. The x-ray came back the next day as negative for pneumonia (without spell check, I'd never spell that darned word right). She basically just told me I have a virus and to take some benedryl and gurgle Epsom salt water (yuck). Well...My coughing got super worse and I started running a fever, so she then prescribed me a zpac and an enhaler (I was also having a tough time taking full breaths). I bought some Robitussin for my cough and now 3 days later I'm starting to feel a little better. It seemed like it had to get worse before it got better, so it can only go up from here. I'm still coughing here and there, but NOTHING like the other nights. I kept Jared up for 2 nights in a row practically dying of coughing fits, I felt terrible because he had to get up at 4 am to work BOTH nights. Poor guy. He puts up with a lot from me...Anyway the whole floor on my side of the bed is covered in used tissues (yeah, I know EWW). I think I went through a whole box of Kleenex in 3 nights. I still look like a zombie, but I do feel like I'm getting better. I hate being sick! I missed out on the Breaking Dawn Part 2 big showing ( yeah I'm one of THOSE), I missed out on my whole weekend pretty much. I missed Church this morning, which I always hate. It was also our Thanksgiving dinner today at Church, so I hated missing that. So yeah it's just been me, the bed or couch, tv and computer for the past few days.....I'm done whining now.

Wonder

So...I wonder about a lot of things. Here's a little list of things I often wonder about.

1. Where my life will be 5 years from now
2. Why guys can't just understand us ladies
3. Why God made me so emotional
4. How many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop...I've tried to count but I always lose track
5. How many people flush their toilets and turn their lights on and off at the same exact time as me
6. If I'll ever be "skinny me" again
7. When I'll learn to accept things I can't change
8. How crappy this world is going to be when my Emerie is old enough to go out on her own..SO SCARY
9. How people can commit such horrible things like mass murders, or any spontaneous murder, rape, or torturing people...Just don't get it
10. If I'll ever be completely out of debt and be "well off"
11. If I'll ever get to meet Simon Baker and get his autograph
12. When Jesus will come back
13. Why the chicken crossed the road
14. What in the world goes through the fools heads on Jersey Shore...They are some kinda crazy
15. Why people think alcohol answers problems...I find it causes MORE problems
16. How many bugs there are total in this world...EWWW
17. If I've ever actually swallowed a spider in my sleep...
18. How many times I actually dream a night...I've heard a lot of different things about this...
19. What this world is coming to...Truly
20.  Why I can't seem to live life without migraines and other stupid health problems




I'm sure there's a ton of things that I didn't put down that I also wonder about, but this basically sums it up. What do you wonder about?

Loving Friend...

This is an entry from my Myspace blog from November 16 2007.


Loving Friend, a poem by yours truly, Jessica Myers.


I have a friend, a loving friend who'll be with me till the end
He has a light that shines so bright in the day and in the night
When I'm down he picks me up and when I'm thirsty  he fills my cup
He always forgives me no matter what I do or any pain I cause
He loves me unconditionally he looks past all my flaws
When I cry he comes to me, he doesn't even think twice
I have a friend a loving friend his name is Jesus Christ

-Jessica Myers
NOTE: If you do not already have a relationship with God, or accepted him as your own personal Lord and Savior, you should really consider doing so...He really is an amazing God and he does love us unconditionally...No matter what sin you commit or person you hurt you can always ask him for forgiveness and he will totally give it to you!! That's how much he cares about us!! I mean if he didn't truly care about us, he would have never sent his ONLY SON to die for each and every one of you!!! If that isn't love than I really do not know what could be!!...And if the reason that you haven't accepted him into your heart is because you dont really know how, or if you think that you have to have someone else do it for you, then I can totally help you out...All you have to do is say a little prayer...And you can pretty much say it how you want it as long as you really truly believe it...Here's an example: "Dear God, I know that I am a sinner. I also know that you are an amazing God who is willing to wipe away all of my sins and forget about them. So this is why I come to you now. I want to ask you into my heart. I want you to cleanse me of all my sorrows and sins. Please forgive me God. I love you! I accept you. Amen."..See how easy that was?? And you know there are several ways that you can ask Jesus into your heart. But that is just an example. But just remember that you have to truly believe in what your praying and know it's 100% real...What a fair trade...5 min or less of prayer with God, for ETERNAL LIFE with God!! I think that's a pretty great deal!!!..If you have any ?'s, comments or complains about what I've said you can so comment me or if ya have my numba call me up!!!! I love you and I wanna help you in any way that I possibly can!! No matter who you are!! God's girl-Jess

I'm Sorry

This is an entry from my Myspace blog from March 25 2007.


I'm Sorry
By: Jessica Myers
What's going on?
Those sirens, they're so loud
And those lights, they're so bright they're blinding me.
What's happening to me?
Do I have any life lines?
Nope I used mine the last time I did something stupid.
What do I do now?
Do I just sit here and watch my life pass away?
The pain, oh it hurts so bad.
I feel my body going numb.
Your mouths moving, but I can't quite make out what you're saying.
Is this it? Is this the end?
It can't be, I haven't even grown up yet.
But it's true, I'm slipping away, I'm falling, falling into a pit of nothing.
Poof, I'm gone. Out of your life forever.
Suddenly I see it. The light! It's him! God. The one who gave me life and then took it away from me.
My life's flashing before my eyes.
All the sins I'd committed.
All the pain I'd caused.
All the turmoil.
Everything.
I really am dead.
I plead and beg God to give me one more chance.
Just one last shot to start over and do good.
I won't make the same mistakes.
He smiles at me and says:
I'm sorry but I need you here with me.
I cry and cry.
I'm sorry mom and dad and everyone else.
For everything I did, and didn't do.
I'm sorry.

Buffalo Chicken Casserole...

I made buffalo chicken casserole tonight for my husband and it turned out pretty good. All it requires is 2 chicken breasts, 1/2 cup of buffalo wing sauce, 8 oz. of cream cheese, 2 cups of pasta ( I used bowtie and they worked amazing) and shredded cheddar cheese. You just cook your chicken however you want it, (I just fried it in bread crumbs on the stove) then once it's cooked you chop it up into smaller chunks, cook your noodles, then in a separate pan pour the  buffalo wing sauce mixed with the cream cheese and cook on a low heat setting until melted, then you mix it all together and put it in a casserole dish. Put a cup or so of cheddar cheese over the top and bake for 20 minutes, give or take a few minutes. (Oh yeah you preheat the oven to 325) So yeah it's pretty simple to make, but it tastes so good! You can always improvise and add things, take away things according to your taste buds. Jared absolutely loved it! As a side dish I just made creamy mashed potato's, it helped to offset the hot buffalo taste. Fast and tasty meal :)

Advice..

This is an entry from my Myspace blog from June 25 2007.


So I just got back from church camp a couple of days ago...I basically do the same thing every year...I go to camp, get right with God, and then throw it all away by doing something super stupid...I have to be sooo confusing to people..I mean I say I'm a Christian but then I go along with the crowd...I say that I love God, and then I do the complete opposite of what he wants...But I'm done with that..This time it's for real...I can feel it...God's really working on me...I haven't been living the "Christian life" by any means....I mess up and dissapoint God and my family all the time.....I know that I cant be perfect..But I also know that I can do SOOO much better things than I have done....I have to say that camp has been the best thing that's happened to me so far this summer....I learned sooo much about myself that I really didn't know before...God has a plan for each and every person....It's just a matter of following through with his plan.....There are so many trials that you have and will continue to face....It's just up to you to do the right thing....Make the right decisions...The devil tries oh so hard to tempt you into doing bad things...You just have to overlook it...Think about the consequences, the outcome...No matter who you are with..Whether it's your best friend, or boyfriend...If someone is trying to get you to do something you know isn't right....Dont worry or care about what they are going to think about you....Think about you, and what God would want...And trust me I know how hard it is to do that....You're so scared of being singled out, made fun of or whatever...But God has ALWAYS been there for you, and he will never leave nor forsake you..He loves you...Your friends could never love you like Jesus does...EVER!! Just always remember that...So when youre asked to go to that one party, that EVERYONE is going to...Dont go!! It's that simple!! Just find something better, and more safe to do!!!..So many people are dying now days from drunk drivers!!...This should not be happening!! I think that we can work together as a family of God to help stop this...I really know it's Gods will for us to help do all that we can to pray for everyone...Because everyone does need prayed for....Not one person out there is perfect...Not one person is blameless....Not one pastor, not one Christian soul, or unsaved soul.NOONE is perfect....So just pray for everyone!!...Dont think that just because someone is already saved, that they dont need prayed for....Because we do!! Just as much as the unsaved....I just pray that if you aren't already, that you get right with God...He will save your life...Trust me I know....ILY all!!

Love, according to the Bible.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."-1 Corinthians 13:4-13.


Okay so today I have something weighing heavy on my heart. My heart's feeling really torn at how badly our world has turned love into something horrible. I feel like people do not fully understand what love is anymore. To me love is God. To the world love is something completely different. Because I believe in the Bible and know that it's teachings are 100% accurate, I know what love is. Love is God sending his ONLY son to die a horrible death for our pathetic selves to be forgiven of our stupid sins we continually commit. Love is God's grace for us when we clearly do not deserve it. Love is God always having his arms open to embrace us when this terrible world shoots us in the back. Love is God daily reaching out to us and knocking on the doors of our hearts even when we open the door only to SLAM it in his face. Love is simply God, and God is love. My relationship with Jared thrives because we have been built on the rock of God. If our relationship with God fails, then our relationship with each other fails as well. We are yolked together by God's amazing grace and love. I have a personal relationship with God, as does Jared. We commit sin, we are not perfect by any means. But we know that we have to trust God to pick us up and apologize every time we hurt him, which is daily. If you haven't gathered, I am a Christian. Becoming a Christian was the best thing I've ever done. I feel whole, I feel saved, and I feel loved. I feel these things because God allows me to. The world doesn't understand true love because the world doesn't know God and his grace. Really 1 Corinthians 13 tells it like it is, and is self explanatory. Because I am a Christian, I am called to LOVE. I'm not called to condemn or judge or be hurtful to people. I am called to share the gospel, not to force it down people's throats. If I love like Christ, and preach the word of God to others, God will do the rest. He will work on the hearts of the lost one's I witness to. I am going to love like Christ loves me.

Quad

 This is an entry from my Myspace blog from February 9 2008.


I went to Branson Friday night to go to this youth thing called quad. It was so cool. I honestly at first didn't really think I was going to get anything out of it. I mean I planned it, but I just wasn't feeling it. But once I was there I just got all into it. I loved every minute of it. It was a little sad because I had a migraine, but I still tried to make the best of it. I feel more sorry for my baby than anyone. I think I bored him to tears : (...But as far as God goes, he really moved in me. I am really going to go the extra mile for my Jesus now! I just know it! I can feel it man!! It's such an amazing feeling when God works in your life!! I feel the fire burning inside of me!! It's not going away this time, not if I have anything to do with it!! NOONE is going to blow it out!!! It's here for good!! I owe myself and everything in my life to God...He has done sooo much for me in my life and it's just so amazing the way he is working in my life...I just CANT let this feeling go away!! I love GOD!! WOAHHH!!! I am oober tired though lol..And note to Jared:
Jared,
Baby, you are so growing in God as well!!! I have noticed it!! You don't care what anyone thinks, you are just going after him!! It's truly amazing...I am glad to have such an awesome companion in my life to encourage me in my walk with God!! If it wasn't for you I would't be where I am so thanks again baby!! I love you and keep up the AMAZING work!! LOVES YOU!!

Living For Him...

This is an entry from my Myspace blog from June 15 2008.



I went to Church camp the 9th through the 13th, and I can honestly say that WOW God has changed me even MORE! It's like I'm going to go out THERE AND TELL PEOPLE ABOUT JESUS! I'm not stopping this time. No siree Bob. I love God way too much.
So Here's the thing,  I had been doing a lot of things right as far as my walk goes before camp, but I realized throughout the week that although I was doing the so called "right" stuff, I wasn't actually  putting my whole heart into it all. Like a lot of times when I'd pray before I'd go to bed, I'd fall asleep because I'm too tired(which think about it, wouldn't you find it pretty rude if you were on the phone with someone who supposedly loved and cared about you and they just fell asleep on you and convo ended right there? No see ya, talk to you later, or byes or anything? I would.) and when I'd pray over my food I'd rush it, when I'd read my Bible I wouldn't take time to actually let it "soak in" and teach me something, I was nice to a lot of people, but I was very judgmental of a lot of people as well. You are to love as though Christ loves you and so I really  recognized the fact that I needed to step it up like 10098098098 notches to be where I truly should/need to be. There were several different speakers who well SPOKE lol there but the one who really stuck out to me the most was Jacob Jester. He was the main guy. He taught us about our prayer life, and how that is how we connect with God. Without prayer our relationship with God is pretty much crud. You can't have a relationship without talking to them. He also taugh us about serving and telling which was my favorite of the week. He brought up how his heart breaks for his baby boy who is going to grow up with way worse temptations than the ones we face today. The rate of negativity is just going to sky rocket, unless of course we (Christians) step up and start a "revival". We need to go out and reach people all over the place. We need to help touch hearts and pray. Pray for our schools, Churches, families, friends, EVERYONE. So yeah it was pretty much AMAZING. God really spoke to me no joke. I mean I usually was the kid who stayed in their isle during worship,while almost everyone else went up to the alters and raised their hands and really got into it. But this past week I was one of the majority. Not that that's what I was striving to be, but I'm saying basically I didn't care about Anyone else around me. Not Jared, not my youth leaders, not my brother, or anyone else in the place. I was focusing solely on God. I wasn't embarrassed or ashamed or anything. I was truly worshiping God with my whole heart for the first time in my life, and the feeling was totally amazing. Ever since that moment, something caught on fire in me. That something I do believe is Jesus. He is blazing inside of me, taking over all of me, and I'm letting him. I'm not letting Satan get the best of me this time. I can win this battle with God's help, and I will :). I am 100% with Jesus now and NOONE is going to hold me back not anyone. Not now, nor ever. I love my Jesus so much and I guarantee you, you will see a difference in me :)

Love and prayers.

Luke 9:23

^{Luke 9: 23} Then he said to them all: “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. ²⁴ For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will save it. ²⁵ What good is it for someone to gain the whole world, and yet lose or forfeit their very self? ²⁶ Whoever is ashamed of me and my words, the Son of Man will be ashamed of them when he comes in his glory and in the glory of the Father and of the holy angels.



These verses are very powerful and to the point. It's requiring us as yearning disciples to be willing to give up everything to follow Christ. I don't know about you, but I find it very hard to do this. I don't really need to elaborate very much on it because the verse is pretty cut and dry. All I know is it kicks me in the face every time I read it....Makes me realize that I'm not as good of a disciple as I should be. I have a lot of work to do, but I'm not gonna stop trying.

I don't get it....

Something that's bugging me.....


I feel like I forgive people a lot, even if they wrong me really bad. I always have been a forgiving person. Sometimes it takes a little while, but I can honestly say I can't think of 1 person that I am holding a grudge against right now. Yes, I have held grudges in the past, but I've tried my hardest to overcome that obstacle and I think I succeeded. The thing that's bugging me is, I feel like as much as I forgive others, they don't forgive me....I'm not perfect, and never will be. I've said hurtful things to people and been mean, but I always apologize, or try to anyway. What makes their mess ups better than mine? It makes me really sad, and sick to my stomach when people treat me badly because of something I messed up with or said a year or MORE ago. If I can let go of the things people have done to me, then why can't people let go of whatever I've done? Why is it that people choose to stay mad at someone over stupid things and let those things ruin friendships? I'm getting to the point where I guess I just have to let people feel what they want without it bothering me, even if it is over something STUPID. I'm not going to let them shape who I am, not now not ever. I know that I am a good person and have a lot to offer people (especially my friends) but if someone wants to be a jerk, ignore my gestures, and blow off our friendship, then so be it. I've done my part, and will continue to be myself and love people, whether or not they want to love me back. No one deserves to be treated hatefully, which is why even though people wrong me, I will still love them. Yeah, it hurts, but I'll get over it with the help of God. I guess not everyone is going to "like" me or want to have a friendship with me, so I'm not going to waste my time on people who "dislike" me so terribly much. No, I won't blow them off if they do ever decide to get over the grudge holding, but I'm not going to let myself keep getting rejected and hurt over people who could give a crap about me, which lately seems like a handful of people. I'm going to give it to God, and let him help me. This too shall pass....

It'll all be okay...

So today I'm feeling a little down. I'm stressed out because Jared and I are struggling a lot financially. We make just enough to pay all of our bills, with little left over. But the problem is that we are behind on quite a few things. We regret SO SO much getting a car that requires payments and stupid credit cards. We don't have as much credit card debt as a lot of people, but we do have 3 cards we need to pay off and it's so stressful! I am super excited about having my first baby girl, but it's hard to not be worried about the money aspect. We all know that babies require SO much of our time and money. Jared and I have agreed that we want me to be a stay at home Mommy, but I just can't figure out how it's going to work out. Right now I babysit 2 girls during the week. I don't make a whole lot, but what I do make is obviously crucial to making bill payments. I'm going to try to sell Mary Kay and then do my Photography on the side, but I'm not sure that's going to be enough to cover the loss of my income I have now. And then to top it all off, Jared is wanting to join the Marines. He hasn't signed his life over yet or even done his MEPS, but he knows for sure without a shadow of a doubt that this is what God is calling him to do. As of now he is planning on signing papers right after baby Emerie is born, which is in mid March. One of the many problems I'm having about him joining is not making money while he is gone for his 6 month basic training. His recruiter told him that there's a possibility that he will not make any money while he's gone....HOW IN THE HADES are we suppose to get by with no income???? My friend Cara told me that I could move in with her during that time, but that would make me feel so bad! And even if I do that, there's still the car payment, student loans, and stupid credit cards. So you see my situation? I'm at a total loss at the moment. I have prayed about this a lot, but I just feel so discouraged. I can't seem to see the light at the end of tunnel when there's so much darkness clouding it. And I know stressing is not good on my baby, but unfortunately there's no "unstress" button, that would be all too easy. I am thankful that my Dad is so good with budgeting and such because he's helping us try to budget our money, but it makes it difficult when there's not much income to work with. Another thing is Christmas is coming up pretty quickly and we most likely won't be able to even afford gifts this year. Luckily that's not what Christmas is all about, but it always makes me feel good to be able to buy people things. Anyway, I'm not trying to gain sympathy or anything like that, just thoughts and prayers. I know that Jared and I are not the only people in this world going through this, but it makes me feel a little better to write it all out. And some people will wonder why in the heck did she just post about her whole life on a blog, but I mean isn't that what these things are for? I don't really care what people think about my family or our situation ( if it's negative, anyway). Most people I know struggled a lot during the early years of marriage, but they overcame it and have pretty stable happy lives now...That's what's getting me through this, because this too shall pass. So if anyone even reads this, just pray for Jared and I! That's all I ask of you.

My Pregnancy....

Just an update on my crazy pregnant life...

So I am 23 weeks pregnant now and so ready for my baby girl to be here. Her name is going to be Emerie Rose Gilliam, Jared and I both LOVE the name, and so far everyone else has liked it as well. So my pregnancy has been a roller coaster ride, for sure! I know there are a lot of Mom's who have easy pregnancy's and all, but that's not me!!! In the beginning I had morning sickness like crazy, but all throughout the day. I also had migraines and headaches practically every day, or every two days. Second trimester hasn't been too much better. The morning sickness is basically completely gone (which is awesome) and I've only had a couple migraines, butttt the headaches are still pretty persistent. I had a super bad ear infection that lasted about 3 weeks total, and that was AWFUL! I've had TERRIBLE back pains and my feet swell quite a lot. I've had some stomach issues on and off too, which isn't so fun. I have zero energy and could sleep my days away. And also I've been so moody it's not even funny!!! Sometimes I just wake up and hate the world, so not cool. Buttt as bad as I've had it so far, it could ALWAYS be worse. AS many bad days as I have though, I also have my good days. Some good things that I'm thankful for are: the outcome of all of this, my hair is much more full and grows super fast, people think that my fat tummy is cute, I've not gained much weight at all, (I'm over halfway there and have only gained 12 lbs or so) , the weight that I have gained has only been in my stomach area (not my legs, thighs, arms or face thank goodness) and also I feel Emerie move sooo much now. So yeah, I'm thankful for all the perks and my good days. I say they outweigh the bad. (That may be because I'm having a good day today lol) Now I'm a little worried about some things...Those things are basically all of the stuff that we need to buy before she gets here. Baby furniture isn't cheap and neither is the other things she'll need. We don't make a buttload of money or anything, so it's hard for us to save up. I'm sure the baby shower will help out a lot, though. So yeah I have a little bit of new mommy jitters. I'm anxious for her to be here, but yet I want to make sure everything is perfect for her too. Blah.