Honesty is the best policy...

Okay to be completely honest, I have NOT been doing my duties as a "Christian".....Before today, I can't tell you the last time I took a decent amount of time out my day to spend with God, or even do a devotional....I haven't been praying every day and all throughout the day like I'm suppose to....I rarely pray before I eat anymore....I don't witness as much as I should, and I'm sure I've missed out on BIG opportunities because of it....I'm starting to get to a place where I don't feel "comfortable" talking to people about my faith, and that is NOT good....I know my Bible pretty well, so I know all the rules and how I'm suppose to act as God's child, but I've been ignoring it and running away...My hearts not hard by any means, but I just need to step it up....Being a Christian is hard work....We have a lot of "tasks" that we are to complete for God....We have to share the Gospel to the lost, be a light in the darkness of this mess of a world and to love like Christ loves.........Following the world is easy, but not what we are suppose to do....I wanna enter through the narrow gate......I need to just be careful what I say and who I spend a lot of time with....I need to surround myself with uplifting people, not negative one's.....It's going to be a struggle, but I need to restore my relationship with God....I know it'll make me feel better...Lately I've just not felt like myself at all....I've felt sad and depressed.....It's cool because I did a devotion today and it really was what I needed....Part of it said that "if you can't change your situation, change your attitude ABOUT your situation"...That's just what I've been struggling with....I'm upset a lot about our financial sitch and lots of other things when instead I just need to be patient and trust that God can and WILL change the situation in time, as long as we stay out of the way and let him.....God certainly works in mysterious ways....<3

Beached Whale................

So I'm kinda mad at myself..........Here's why:....I have made a commitment EVERY DAY for the past idk, 4 years that I AM GOING TO LOSE WEIGHT!....I say this to myself everyday...."Today is the day, I'm going to eat healthy and go get my sweat on"......or "I WILL get into a bikini this summer, I'm gonna start on that body TODAY"....And then I see the Oreo's on the counter....Or Coca Cola in the fridge....And then I'm all like "I'll start tomorrow"............................I know you probably think I'm exaggerating, but I'm truly not! I am actually very depressed right now, and I think the biggest reason is because of my weight.......Yeah, I know, I just had a baby and it "takes time"....But I was already overweight BEFORE I got pregnant with Emerie, and now I feel like a freaking beached whale.....I started to exercise everyday a few weeks ago, but of course came up with some lame excuses and quit.....My husband and I have had a Y membership since the end of February........You wanna know how many times I've gone??....... FOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And one of those times doesn't really count because we were only there a short time and I didn't really do much.........I am so annoyed with myself and I just don't know how to quit!!!....I know 100% that I am an "emotional eater".....When Jared's home we are usually doing something all the time, so I don't eat as much at all.......When he goes to work, "all food breaks loose"......I don't have a car to drive around because he takes it to work......So I'm stuck at my apartment from 5 pm to 5 am by myself (and Emerie of course) and I get bored!....When I'm bored I eat.......And I eat a lot.....Basically whatever is in the house.....Luckily I haven't gained any of the weight back that I lost after having Emerie, but that's NOT the point...I need to LOSE weight......And also, I want to trade my 6 pack of flabs for a 6 pack of ABS......But the thing is, I don't know where to begin.....I feel so unmotivated with it all....I am depressed which then causes me to be tired a lot, so I don't even have the energy to go out and do anything.........I know, I'm a HUGE excuse maker, I just wish I had motivation.....I mean yeah when a Victoria Secret commercial comes on that's a little motivating, but then when a food opportunity comes along I always okay it............How do I overcome this nonsense..........I seriously don't know what to do.........

Wolf Spiders can all go to hell.....

So my night was like any other Friday night at the Gilliam's pad....Ate some dinner, talked to my husband, played with my baby and then I took a bath....See my bath was fine and dandy, it's what occurred AFTER the bath that just ruined my Friday night (or Saturday morning rather)......I got out of the bath to dry off and as I was bending down to dry my feet and legs I saw something......It wasn't just a no big deal something, it was a huge something......An 8 legged GINORMOUS hairy something........And that something wasn't just hanging out being innocent.....It quite literally came at me and TRIED TO KILL ME!!! I could see it in his eyes, he wanted me DEAD, BADDD!...So I did what most girls do and backed AWAY from the spider as much as I could without falling into the tub, and then yelled for Jared (my husband)....I think I yelled his name a good 10 times before he finally came in there.....I pointed to the ground and yelled KILL IT KILL IT!!!!....He just looked at me like I was an idiot and said "It's just a wolf spider"  (as a matter of fact-edly)..........JUST a wolf spider???? JUST a WOLF SPIDER????? Are you kidding me?? JUST, really????? Does he not know who he married?????.....My three biggest fears in life are as follows (in order) 1. WOLVES 2. Sharks and 3. SPIDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If 2 of my biggest fears are combined into one being, I am pretty much screwed.....Not only did I encounter a spider, but I encountered a fricken WOLF spider.....Needless to say I chewed my husband a good one, so now he understands that he should NEVER EVER EVER say "JUST" when referring to my 3rd biggest fear....And also, the creepy being was destroyed by force of a shoe......I am pretty certain that the spider was bigger than the shoe though.........I may or may not have exaggerated a tad throughout....Now I'm a tad freaked out that his Dad's going to hire some wolf spider mafia to come and assassinate me in my sleep.....I mean he probably watched the whole thing unfold before his 24 eyes.....EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW....I'm not gonna sleep good tonight....Hope you guys do!

And also, there's a special place in HELL for wolf spiders......They can save some seats for all the other evil critters that roam around my house.....