10 Truths...

I guess I'm gonna tell ya'll ten truths about me......This should be interesting....


1. I am extremely self conscious....I have a horrible self esteem, especially after having Emerie...I feel like I've NEVER been so disappointed in my body before now. It's so hard to stay motivated to lose weight...I tend to be a "justifier" (yes I'm aware that's not a "Webster's word" buttttt it works). I always justify eating the wrong foods or drinking the wrong drinks. I'm also a major excuse maker. I make excuses as to why I can't go work out or do something active, or why it's okay to not watch what I eat....It's really frustrating because I am unsure of how to get over this craziness. I feel like I have no self control to be able to tell myself "NO! That's bad for you!" or "YES! That's good for you!"...So aggravating. I need to figure out how to overcome this before it gets too out of hand. My biggest fear is that I'm going to wake up one morning, get on the scale, and the number is going to be OUT of this WORLD, and then I'll just give up on even trying....I want to be happy about myself and not be worried all the time about my self image.

2. I think I'm border line OCD. I get overly stressed out when things aren't organized just right. My house right now is absolutely driving me insane!!! I feel like I can't have a good day or be happy if my home is a mess or laundry is overly behind. I like for my fridge to be organized, my closet, everything. Also it annoys me when people's pictures are crooked in their homes. And when there's a place for something, but that something isn't there...For instance if someone has 2 toilet paper holders and only one of them has toilet paper in it...(UGHHHH) I also go nuts when people chew with their mouths open (I mean like smacking their gums) it straight up freaks me out. I don't ever say anything to people but inside I go crazy. Chipped nail polish is crazy. Whether it's me or someone else, I can't think when I see chipped nails.

3. I am obsessed with color coordinating, and have been for awhile....I like having my husband, baby and I all match. I do it with different candies and also my clothes. I just love it, I think it's fun and cute.

4. I wish that I was closer with some of my family members and friends....I wish that they showed that they cared when I have major life events occur (having a baby is a big one). It really hurts my feelings whenever people who are suppose to be so close to me and who supposedly care about me so much don't even so much as pick up the phone and call and check on me when I'm in the hospital 5 days due to having a very hard labor and delivery and a baby who was 4 weeks early....I mean doesn't that mean anything to people??? I know I would BE THERE if they went through things like that. I feel like I put myself out there all of the time and try and maintain a relationship, but it doesn't seem to matter...It's pretty much one sided, and it hurts me more than they will EVER know. I want to die knowing that these people love me and truly care about my life, like I do theirs.

5. Changing diapers has never been a "joy" to me. I love changing Emerie's diapers. I feel like she has a need and I'm the one who can fulfill it! It's an amazing feeling. Same with fixing her bottles, rocking her to sleep, walking her around at night because she doesn't feel too good. Just everything. I love her to pieces and want to always be the best Mom that I can, because she deserves it.

6. I'll be the first to admit that I'm spoiled....I've been spoiled my whole life....My parents and grandparents were a big part of it....Then I met Jared, and he spoils me just as much if not more than they did!! Don't get me wrong, I totally dig it! I feel like I'm a princess or something, but I just don't ever want them to think that I don't appreciate all of the great things that they do for me.

7. I dream of building a log cabin with my husband one day.  A cozy homey cabin filled with lots of love. I want it to have green shudders and lots of trees and a flower garden outside. I want a pool and a lot of area for our kids to run around and be wild. I want a huge fenced in back yard so we can have lots of dogs.

8. When Jared and I are retired and the kids are out of the house we want to buy a Volkswagen camper and travel around the world and make lots of amazing memories together. Basically rebuild the romance.

9. I'm an overly sensitive girl, and I know it. Sometimes I take things too personal that weren't mean to be taken that way. I just want to make everyone happy and get along with everyone and it hurts my feelings when I let people down or someone doesn't like me.

10. I don't like when anyone, ANYONE tells me what to do with my baby....If I ask for advice or an opinion, then sure give it to me! But if I don't, please don't say anything. I am a good Mom and take VERY good care of Emerie. I know when I need to take her to the ER or the doctor. I know when to feed her, burp her, change her diaper, and rock her because she's in pain. I know her cries. If she's crying, and I'm there, I can take care of it!! I do it all day every day, and have for the past 10 weeks...NO I'm not a perfect Mom, but when it comes to Emerie I am pretty good.

Bottles, binky's and spit-up....

Okay, so as you know I am now in the "Mom Club"....I've been a Mom for 9 weeks now and have learned quite a bit. I've learned that when you become a Mom you give up things...LOTS of things....And for the things that you don't have to give up, they change....You give up flowery perfumes for milky spit up...You trade pretty fixed up hair for messy buns...Drool becomes your new necklace...Instead of getting hit on, you get peed on, or worse, pooped on....(Yes that's happened to me)....Purse? What's that? No, you don't carry a purse anymore, you carry a big ole diaper bag with your wallet and phone shoved in it and maybe if your lucky you'll remember to put some gum or mints in there because Lord knows you may have possibly forgot to brush your teeth.....Your once spotless and organized house becomes a wild jungle (what Mom really has time to seriously clean?)....Instead of pretty eye shadow you now rock the dark under eye bags ( I guess that can still be considered eye shadow, just the opposite place)...You once use to have an hour or two or even three to get ready whereas now you are lucky to have 5 uninterrupted minutes....Sometimes in the shower you will wash your hair but not shave your legs because the baby starts crying and you have to fly out of there and make sure she's okay....You use to fall asleep to the peaceful quiet and darkness of your bedroom but now you DON'T fall asleep to the sound of monotonous lullaby's and an overly bright night light (oh rhymes are great). Random make out sessions with the husband? That's a rare occasion now (we gotta make the most of the chances we do get)....You use to be a social hit and now you are a homebody with hardly any friends (yes I'm being a tad dramatic, just a tad)...So yeah, you give up quite a lot when you become a Mommy buttttttt you most definitely gain WAY more....For everything you lose there's a gain that's made...For example....You gain the most precious baby girl you could have ever asked for....You get to watch the most perfect person grow....A simple smile and laugh from her completely fills your heart with all things good. There once was a hole in your heart but once she came along, she filled it....She filled it with so much love that you never thought was even possible....Snuggling never made you feel so warm....Feet were never considered such a cute feature...You are no longer ever bored and there's never a dull moment...When she grabs hold of your finger while looking in your eyes you feel like the most blessed person in the world....The first time she smiles or coo's at you, something inside you makes you feel like your really doing something right....Life before her felt a little purposeless, but now you have found the reason why you were placed on this earth....The bond you have with your precious baby girl is a bond unlike any other....You understand her....You feel her...You know her cries...You know what each cry means....You know when she's feeling sick or when she's feeling really giddy. When she's feeling overly fussy, you have a touch that no one else does. You know what will make her feel a little better...You are her number one comforter....I mean and who would expect anything less?...She's known you 9 months longer than anyone else....You find yourself through her....She helps you realize who you want to be in life and who you don't....She's more important to you than any other human being (I mean along with your husband)....Every day is a new adventure full of purpose and joy....Everything changes, you give things up, you lose things...But in the end you couldn't be more glad for that....Because what you've gained is a whole lot better than the losses.....Life is meaningful now.

I'm a mom!!

Okay so I gave birth to Emerie Rose when I was only 36 weeks along. I was diagnosed with preeclampsia at 35 weeks.... I started having bad headaches and was swollen real bad... And the protein count in my urine was more than 1000....My Doctor decided that it was best to go ahead and get induced.... This was on Feb 15. I was so nervous and scared. I won't go into all the detailsp but I was in labor for 18 hours and pushed for 2. It definitely was not a good or easy labor but when I finally met her eyes I was so happy. It was more than worth it. She was the prettiest newborn I'd ever seen! And even all the nurses said she was gorgeous. They said most newborns aren't even close to being that cute fresh out!!! Jared and I did an amazing job. Now she's 9 weeks old! It's crazy because it doesn't feel like its been that long. She is growing so fast and turning into quite the little doll! I love her so much!! Best gift I've ever been given.