Have Faith

Okay so I have a story to tell you. My sweet four year old Emerie has been praying fervently for a baby sister for a long, long time. Jared and I decided we would start trying for baby number three a little after our son Oliver turned one in May of 2016. We had no trouble getting pregnant with either of the two we already have, so we didn't figure it would take long at all to conceive again. Well, month after month we kept getting negative tests, or that evil red queen would show up leaving us both feeling sadness, and confusion. We decided we would just keep our journey to ourselves, and just told people that we were satisfied with having two kids and that we probably won't be having anymore. It was too sad to constantly have people asking us when we would have another, and in our hearts not knowing if it would happen or not. So it was easier to just not talk to anyone about it. Emerie had continued to pray that whole year that we would have a sister for her, and Jared and I prayed that we would just be able to conceive. We prepared Emerie that we weren't sure if Jesus had planned for us to have anymore babies, but she had so much faith and hope that she didn't even consider that. Fast forward to the beginning of June this year...Emerie came up to us and told us that Jesus told her that we are allowed to have a baby sister for her now. Jared and I just looked at each other wondering if she had in fact gotten a clear answer from God, or if it was just that four year old imagination running wild again. I asked Emerie what she would name her baby sister if she were to have one, and she told me "Birdie". I actually adored the name, and promised that if we did have a baby girl we would give her that name. We didn't really talk much more about it, just went about our evening. The next day or so we went to Walmart, and they had all of these adorable bird onesies and accessories. Something in my spirit just told me to buy them in case I were to ever be blessed with a sweet girl. I told my Mom it was for a friend, but in my heart I just knew it was for me and my future girl. Not even a week after all of this took place I realized that evil red queen had not made her appearance yet, so I took a test. It was positive!!! I started to cry in the bathroom, I couldn't believe my eyes. Of course I had to take three more tests to be positive, but one after the other they were all showing up two pink lines. I went straight to Jared's work to inform him of our amazing news! He was so excited too. A year of trying had finally paid off. During our year of struggling to conceive, we  learned to be patient, and we also learned to be thankful for the many blessings we already did have. Even if God didn't have a plan for us to have anymore kids, how could we really truly complain? He had already been so faithful in our lives by giving us the gift of two healthy and happy kids, so no matter what life would have been grand. But I can say I am so excited for this little girl, and I am so proud of my Emerie for having more faith at four than I have ever shown in my whole 26 years of life. God is so good. And I am thrilled to be able to put these bird outfits on my little Birdie Rae. 

Why blog?

So I have always been someone who enjoys writing. I like to write down my feelings, thoughts, experiences, travels, poetry, short stories, or whatever it may be. Since having children, I haven't devoted nearly as much time to keeping a journal, or a blog, because well, life....Life with 2 kids is busy. Even though I stay home with them, I am always doing something. Whether it's cleaning, cooking, taking someone potty, changing a diaper, tending to sickness,  more cleaning, there is always something or someone needing my undivided attention. Then when I do decide to blog, I can get discouraged because of my complete lack of subscribers or just readers in general. But then I have to remind myself, that I do this for myself, and if people do happen to read it, that's awesome, and if they don't, that's okay too! I like to be able to go back through the years and see how life was going during different times. Blogging for me, is basically a virtual journal that other people may or may not read. So for today I think I will just post a bit of an update....

So Jared and I had been trying for a little over a year to have our third baby. After a lot of negative pregnancy tests, and lots of tears and frustration, it finally happened and I found out in June! I am 14 weeks pregnant, and so excited to be progressing and out of the first trimester. We find out the gender in 2 weeks or so, we are so excited. It's so adorable because Emerie Rose has been praying fervently for me to get pregnant with a baby sister for her. I think she may be a little bit heart broken if Jesus doesn't give her a sister, but I'm sure she will love a baby boy too. I am hoping for a girl too, but I will be excited for a boy too. I just really want to buy bows and baby dresses again. It's been a minute. So I am soaking in this season we are in, nausea and all. I am a little nervous about going from 2 kiddos to 3, but I'm sure it'll be just as exciting and fun, if not more ;). 

Emerie turned 4 this year! She had a Monster High themed party at the park, and she had such a blast. I cannot believe she is 4. It's crazy. She is such a fun little girl. She talks as if she were 10, she loves to make us all laugh (she is super goofy), being outside and running wild and free is her favorite, she would wear dresses every day if she could (especially poofy "twirly" dresses), she plays with her baby dolls a lot now, and has one named "Birdie" who is her favorite and she takes almost everywhere. She still loves to read books and sing songs. She has recently started sleeping in her own bed on a regular basis, and as sad as it makes me because it's another milestone come and gone, I'm happy because I can actually sleep and move around in my bed! AMEN! She doesn't have night terrors nearly as often anymore, just once in awhile. She loves Jesus and going to Church. She's learning about sin and how it separates us from God. She gets emotional when we talk about it because she wants to stay close to God! She's such a sweetie. She understands and empathizes so much for such a young age. We are getting ready to start her "pre-school" at home experience this coming Monday, she is so excited. When she grows up she wants to be a singer, a ballerina, a mermaid, a princess, and an archaeologist. She has quite the imagination, and I love it. I wouldn't change anything about her. 

Oliver turned 2 this year!! 2 years old!! He had a Finding Dory themed party at our Church, he loved it! He likes to play ball all of the time, and any time we go to the store and he is allowed to pick out a toy, he always goes to the balls! I can't tell you how many we have. He loves them. He also loves super heroes, and his whole room is decked out in comic book characters, and he has a black "bat mobile" bed. He too is super funny, and is constantly cracking us up. He is starting to talk a whole lot more now, I think he was just super shy before. We haven't started potty training yet, but I'm sure that'll come soon enough. He loves clothes and shoes, and hates to be without anything on, unless he is completely naked, then he's fine haha. He loves to play and run outside. Reading books is one of his favorite things to do, that and watch Scooby Doo! He LOVES Scooby!! He has the funniest laugh I have ever heard! It's like super deep and sounds like an "evil laugh", it's so hilarious. He is really attached to his "Uncle Chubby" and loves to be around him and see his motorcycle and truck. Everytime he sees a motorcycle he says "vroom vroom Chubby!". He is a big eater. He would literally eat all day long if we would let him! He's a growing and hungry boy. Haha. 

Jared got promoted at Steeltech and is now a supervisor. He loves it, it's just a whole lot of hard work! But he is the hardest worker I know. He also started pursuing getting his ministry licence. He is taking classes to get it all going. He's had 1 test so far, which he passed, and is taking his second test today! I feel like this year is going pretty good so far! 

2017

New Years resolutions are so cliche, or so they say, so I have chosen to focus on four words this year. These will be my words of the year if you will.

Patience/peace

Prayer

Self-Control

Testimony

I chose PATIENCE because this is an area where I tend to run on empty all of the time. I feel like patience and peace run hand in hand. If you lack patience, it's nearly impossible to be at peace. If you aren't a peaceful person, then you are more than likely not a patient one either. As most of you know, I battle an anxious mind quite often. Because of this flaw, I have a very hard time being at peace. This year I'm changing all of that. In order to be the most effective Christian, Wife, and Mother, I HAVE to be a patient woman. God has huge plans for my family and I's lives, I just know it. In order to figure out just what exactly that plan is, and how to pursue it, I need to be able to be still and listen to God, more than I ever have before. I want to train myself (with God's help of course) to be patient with correcting my children, patient with responding to my husband, patient with the stressful things of life that tend to knock me down more often than not. Jared and I woke up early this morning and did a little Bible study together. One of the verses that was read was John 16:33 which says "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." These are the words of Jesus. He specifically states here that we WILL have trouble in this world, not that we might, but that we WILL. But he has defeated this world, so in him lies more power than without him. I think I sometimes get myself in this place where I question God to the point of becoming disobedient. "Why am I going through so much of this crap God??" "Why are you allowing this to continue?" "Why can't you fix this God?". I get so angry and bent out of shape that I can't see that he is offering me peace in the midst of the storms. Let go and let God. It's so simple, yet it is a hard concept to actually grasp. But that's what I need to do, then I will be patient and at peace. 

I chose PRAYER because this is the most important aspect of a Christian's daily walk. I can honestly say that I do NOT pray nearly enough. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 says "pray continuously". Enough said right? We are suppose to pray all of the time, no matter the circumstance. Why is it so stinking hard for me then? It clearly states in the Bible that I'm suppose to, yet I don't. I think this is because of the above (lack of patience and peace on my part). That is why I chose prayer second rather than first. I do not have the patience to pray and listen to God speak, which is changing this year. In reality though, they are kind of on the same level. I will pray for patience/peace, and I'll be patiently praying. I'm a hot mess. Thank God for his grace and PATIENCE with me. Anyway, praying before some meals and for my kids at bedtime is absolutely NOT enough. It's important to pray at those times, but it's just not going to cut it. I need to make prayer a top priority in my every decision. Each moment is a good time to pray. Sitting on the couch writing a blog? Thank God for the freedom to do so (done). Going on a walk or run? Thank God for beautiful scenery and your shoes. Someone challenging you at work and getting angry at you for something? Pray for them, and pray for yourself that you'll react the right way. Thank God for lessons. Thank God for always teaching you. Get pulled over for speeding? Thank God for police officers who care about the safety of you and others. Your kids driving you batty? Thank God for blessing you with children when so many people are unable to have them. Is your house a disaster? Thank God for blessing you with a roof over your head. Even in the most mundane of moments, there is always something to Thank God for. Prayer isn't always for asking God for help during hard times (which is important as well), it's for just being in a constant communication with our creator. We can grow a better relationship with him if only we give him our time. Things in life aren't always going to be easy, so we need to have a good enough relationship with God, so that we can stand strong during trials, which all comes down to our prayer life.

I chose SELF-CONTROL because this is also an area in which I lack. Sometimes, no scratch that, A LOT of the time I forget that I am in control of my mind and actions. I can choose to do, or to not do any single thing. I choose to drink too much soda, or eat too much junk food. I choose to not read my Bible or pray. I choose to give in to temptation. I choose to have a bad attitude or set a bad example. I choose to gossip, or think negative thoughts. I choose it, not someone else choosing for me, but me alone. Because I lack self-control, I choose the wrong things constantly. I plan to rise above that in 2017. I am going to practice self-control more this year than ever before. I know it seems like an easy and small thing, but I have started with NO SODA AT ALL for this whole year. No diet soda, caffeine free soda, or regular soda. I'm on day three, and I'm going strong. I also, along with Jared, have decided to wake up early each morning and do a Bible study together. On the days Jared works, as well as all of the other days. I think this is a great start to learning to exercise self-control. Seeing as how it is so much easier to just sleep in, this will prove to be a sacrifice. Doing these things will open doors for making the right decisions, I do believe. Titus 2:11-12 says this "For the grace of God has appeared that offers salvation to all people. It teaches us to say "NO" to ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright and Godly lives in this present age." Well, there you have it.

I chose TESTIMONY because I am a living testimony for God, and I haven't lived my life that way, for the most part anyway. I use to think that a testimony was just something you went up in front of the Church to say to the congregation, but it's not just that. Your testimony is how you live your life. Your testimony is the trials and tribulations that you have faced and overcame. Your testimony is your daily walk in the Lord. Your testimony is your prayer life. It's the way you bring up your children. Your testimony is the relationship you have with your spouse. It's all of the things God has blessed you with and more. It's your struggles, flaws, and choices. I want to be a good testimony to God and to others. The definition of the word testimony is: "evidence or proof provided by the existence or appearance of something." I want my entire existence to reflect Jesus Christ. That means all of the roads I take, the good and the bad, make up my testimony. I've made more bad decisions than I care to admit, but those have helped to mold me. I don't regret making wrongful choices, but I do pray that in the future I use my past to make better decisions. Matthew 10:32 says "so everyone who acknowledges me before men, I will acknowledge before my Father who is in Heaven." We acknowledge God not only through our words, but through our actions, through our testimony. This year is a new beginning for my testimony. I'm not sure who this quote is by, but I absolutely love it. "Only God can turn a mess into a message, a test into a testimony, a trial into a triumph, a victim into a victory." These seem like some good words of motivation. 

SUPERB IRONY BELOW:
Galations 5:22-23
"But the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, PEACE, PATIENCE, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, SELF-CONTROL. Against such things there is no law."
It's pretty ironic that 2 of my 4 words are mentioned in this verse, and that the patience and peace are right next to one another. I honestly hadn't even thought about it until I read it. I had my words chosen before I looked up this verse. Super cool, and a confirmation for me as well that I made the right choice.

2016 was truly a whirlwind of emotions for me. I was overly anxious, and at times depressed. I also had amazing moments where I was happy and excited. We were tested and blessed financially beyond belief. All of this took place in the same year* Jared got demoted at Efco to where he was making such a low amount that we could not afford to pay all of our bills, and then he got hired at Steeltech making just enough to pay our bills, and then getting a raise and put on the monthly bonus within months of working there. He now works for a company who genuinely cares about him, and is there to help him succeed. I also got hired on part-time at Family Video. Me getting a job wasn't only for financial reasons, because we really don't need me to work, because Jared makes enough to cover everything, but I wanted to have a little bit of time to get away for a bit each week. I felt like getting a job would be a good way to overcome my anxiousness, as well as give me a chance to be a witness, and mingle with people. So far this has proven to be correct. i love my job and the people I work with. It's just a bonus that I'm getting paid. Other things that happened in 2016 were Oliver turned one and Emerie turned three! We moved into our new home, which has been a tremendous blessing, and we really can't thank God enough. We did a soft launch of our photography business. We had several photo sessions, and some awesome clients were sent our way. It was a blessing to be able to dive more into our passion for photography. I believe 2017 will be even better. We were introduced to so many new people, and I believe each person was strategically placed into our lives for a very specific reason. God knows our needs, and he fulfills them accordingly. Looking back, as hard of a year as 2016 proved to be at times, it was preparing us for an even better year. I am confident that 2017 is going to be a great year for myself and my family. As long as I make the decision ever single day to be patient/peaceful, to pray continuously, to exercise self-control in all circumstances, and to be a testimony, it will be an amazing year. God bless, let's conquer 2017 together. Happy New Year!